i am not a vegan…

I was once at Whole Foods deciding whether or not I was actually going to try this thing called “Veggy Shreds”, you know… like shredded cheese… but the fake kind, when a couple of over-friendly random vegans approached me. The conversation went something like this…

ofrv: Oh my gosh… are you a vegan?!?! (obviously very excited to meet a new friend)
me: Oh haha no, I’m just lactose intolerant.
ofrv: WOW! That’s so great!
me: Mmm yea… super…

What I wanted to say was “Are you kidding me?! It’s like the worst thing ever to happen in my life! No more cheesy quesadillas from Border Cafe, no more Party Favors cupcakes, no more Cheetos?!” As I was standing in the check-out line missing caesar salads I thought, “Well why can’t I have these things? I bet there is a way to do it.” And so I set out on my mission…

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